Question:
How do I move on from my past?
little duck
2006-08-28 14:53:44 UTC
well I went high school for 5 years and got teased alot, and it was a very bad school, and no kind of good behaviour at all, very bad kids, it was just terrible, and and even after 5 years I cannot forget it, I want to forget it so bad , its made me a very tough person, but how do I forget the past I've even been college and thats been great, but high still for some reason makes me feel sad, like that part of my life I went through, kids used to tease my shoes, my nose, it was bad, how do I get through such pain , i feel like again i be teased I wish someone could help how do I let go and move on
25 answers:
wise
2006-08-28 14:56:29 UTC
BY remembering this too shall pass !
Orla C
2006-08-29 02:28:22 UTC
First of all, how old are you now? I'm guessing that you are in your early twenties ...



Here's the thing - the perspective. The high school lark was during the transformation from childhood to adulthood, and in many ways the treatment you got has kept you a child, and you are feeling the child's pain. HOWEVER, :-) if you are in your early twenties, as I am assuming you are, you are no longer a child. Therefore you no longer need to let this affect you.



Here's one thing you can do. Every night, do a visualisation: in your mind, build a wall between you and that school (as a symbol for what you went through). In that wall, put a gate. The people who gave you grief are on the other side of the wall, simply close the gate on them and turn away to your future. You can lock the gate if you wish.



It will always be part of your mental landscape, but you don't need to let it affect you so much emotionally. Bear in mind that there will be other experiences in the future, some good, some bad, and they will find a place between you and the school wall/gate. All part of growing up!



I really hope this helps. Keep well.
Beardog
2006-08-28 15:05:29 UTC
The same way everyone moves on from their past, by looking forward. I went through the same sort of thing, and the way I've moved on was to always have something to look forward to, like a goal, or a special treat. For a while it was moving to L.A., then I did, then it was getting a job, then I did. Right now things are at a lull, so I'm planning a vacation. Always have a long term and a short term goal that makes you happy. Even if you end up reprioritizing later, at least it's a dream to reach for now. Hope that helps!
anonymous
2006-08-28 16:33:39 UTC
You know Sal, your probably the only person that does remember the teasing, those bullies won't, simply because they have moved onto another person who's life they are making miserable now, those sort of people just go through life been downright bullies and as the years go by they wouldn't know one of their victims if they bit them on the bum, there just emotional vampires who don't deserve your thoughts, the best thing you can do is to move on from it as hard as it was, by keeping it with you, your allowing yourself to be one of their victims, don't give them that benefit, you always have and always will be a much better person than they could ever be, I'm not a big religious person, but I always hold with this saying 'God doesn't pay back in coins' and believe you me, he most certainly will not pay any bully back that way, they will get their comeuppance and when they least expect it, you have the consolation of knowing that, unfortunately they don't, nice to have something on the bullies that they don't realise isn't it, as hard as it is, just move away from those times in your life and be proud of yourself for been the lovely, caring person you are and always will be, good luck.
SUPER-GLITCH
2006-08-28 15:21:37 UTC
I would suggest you seek advice and contact with a counsellor via your GP, it would help simply to have someone to talk this stuff over with, surprising how its helps, give it a go! Bullying is a terrible thing to go through, and it leaves scars, bear in mind that a lot of beautiful girls were ugly ducklings, bullied at school for some weird reason? Do not let it ruin any more of your life, move on, get help - Good luck!
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:09:49 UTC
I hated high school too - a bunch of mean stuck up kids.



Try these two books - they might help alot:

The Feeling Good Handbook - by David D. Burns MD.

Reinventing Yourself: How To Become The Person You've Always Wanted To Be - by Steve Chandler



You can get them at your local city library if you don't have the dough. "Reinventing Yourself" is also on audio cassette if you would rather listen.
Lounger
2006-08-28 15:13:07 UTC
Find those that teased you and kick the crap out of them. (Only joking!) Moving on is hard, but dwelling on what's past only makes it harder. Try to keep busy with positive things and be aware when you start to get stuck with your thoughts and change them. It will become easier in time. You can bet those who teased you aren't thinking about you, so why waste time and your life thinking about them? Good luck!
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:12:00 UTC
concentrate on planing your future put all your thoughts on what you want to do, this way you have no time for thinking about the the past and about the losers you went to school with who will probably be locked up or on the streets by now and in a few years when your walking down the street you will be throwing your spare change at them.
anonymous
2016-11-06 03:40:50 UTC
i think of you made the splendid determination besides. If he cared something in any respect approximately what he had with you, while he finalized his divorce he might have come to you. particularly he appears like the impatient style - considering you weren't prepared to play 2nd play around he discovered somebody who grew to become into. or maybe he basically does not like being on my own. Did he truly spend time by using himself, substantial time, till now he jumped off and married this different woman? i think of you probably did genuine, heavily, because of the fact even if if he had divorced his spouse and married you, you will possibly desire to be careful of the rebound syndrome curiously something his new spouse did no longer look at. to flow previous the remorseful approximately will take time. it additionally will take acknowledging that in case you weren't solid sufficient for him to come back back for you as quickly as he tied up his loose strings, then you definately have been too solid for him interior the 1st place. you additionally can say that at the same time as your intentions have been solid, you have been nonetheless in touch with a married guy....take it as a lesson found out. Karma cares no longer approximately your intentions basically your movements.
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:07:45 UTC
Everything in life must be either accepted or changed, what cannot be accepted must be changed, and what cannot be changed must be accepted. Accept the fact that mean people suck and they were jerks. Try to consciously move your thoughts to remember the good things you have experienced- don't continue to encourage these bad thoughts in yourself, fight them by remembering other things. If you have one foot in the past and one in the future, you are pissing on your present. Think happy thoughts.
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:00:27 UTC
Live in the here and now and don't dwell in the past, believe me its not wortj it, we've all got horrors in out pasts, some worse than others, you need to move on, otherwise you'll be uhappy with life forever and what would be the point in that?
lishaginn2004
2006-08-28 15:20:14 UTC
Move on honey. If its one thing I have learned in life is you need to be true to yourself. It took me a long time to figure that out. And I'm 35. Allo the cool people picked on me ALOT! But dig it, most of them are fat and ugly now, and their life aint ****. You WILL blossom on your own. I've never met you but you sound pretty cool to me. Keep your head up baby!!! ~Lisha~
davemg21
2006-08-28 15:03:17 UTC
the power of forgiveness.......try, just try to forgive the past, don't forget it...just forgive. you will not believe the new found power in you to move on and create a happy future once you try to forgive the past. the longer you postpone forgiving the past....the more you will carry the burden of the past with you....and the new people you meet won't want to be around you.



besides...haven't you noticed by now if you're at the university how it's an entirely new level? people grow up and they mature. i guarantee you some of the new people you meet have been bullies at one point of their lives....but through life's hard-ships...people grow up.



it would be wise and mature of you to forgive and move on.
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:09:57 UTC
i went through the same wen i was 11........for 3 years! it was hell,i had FIGHTS WIT SOME GIRLS AND EVEN BOYS WHOLE YEAR!!!but u need to move on,forgive and forget,write all wat u feel about those years,cry,remember everything and then just burn that page-and watch till it is all ashes,let this page burn that memory and move on!if it doesnt work talk to professionals they will help u ,but remember wat is past it all has passed,enjoy ur new life and friends,find hobbies so u want have time to think about bad stuff,gud luck
Barson
2006-08-28 14:59:09 UTC
kids r like that in every school. i cringe with embarrassment when i remember the stupid things i said and done in school. ur thinking to much about it just let it go and move on and forget about it
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:04:00 UTC
Not being able to forget it must be serving a purpose for you. Identify and deal with it and then you can move on.
Mambers
2006-08-28 15:00:35 UTC
I went through the same stuff. I forgot it by telling myself one day they will receive the same hell they put me through.

Also look at it this way, you got through HS, and college. At least you didn't drop out.
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:39:07 UTC
Time travel
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:33:02 UTC
don't be upset by the kids of your passed. don't get mad with them either but get even and the way to do this is to consentrate on being a success.
anonymous
2006-08-28 15:44:59 UTC
Look forward to better things in the future :)
d h
2006-08-28 14:57:51 UTC
Enjoy the now instead of hanging onto the past.



Focus on your future, and your present, and try to realize that haboring these feelings is hurting only yourself.
Obino 10-10
2006-08-28 15:32:57 UTC
It happened to me,it was only of late that i realised how special i was, believe me you are special that's why they trying picking on you.
anonymous
2006-08-28 14:58:39 UTC
Through talk talk - friends and family!
anonymous
2006-08-31 05:45:00 UTC
by looking for the future.
"IRonIC" by Alanis
2006-08-28 15:45:09 UTC
I work heavily in the Psychology Field and Computer Programming. The Mind is just like a Computer. When you first start out, you're like a brand new computer with little or no Software installed.



As you go through childhood, your environment, your parents, your schools you attended, and your teachers have a profound influence on what "Psychological Software" is installed in your governing "Intellectual Operating System."



Your Intellectual Operating System is what influences you to behave a certain way or perceive things in a certain light. For example, there was news today about the Emmy's last night where Conan O'Brien was doing a Skit that parodies the show "Lost" where the plane crashes.



People in Kentucky were horrified when they saw it because a plane just crashed the other day killing 49 people. People lost loved ones and they didn't find that skit that Conan O'Brien did the least bit funny because it reminded them of the pain and grief. They wanted to watch the Emmy's to forget about it, but instead the Skit ended up reminding them of it.



The Programmers at NBC were doing a Live Telecast so it couldn't be censored. The writers who did the Emmy's didn't know that a plane was going to crash in Kentucky killing those people.



That grief and suffering was an experience that was recently implanted with the people of Kentucky. Had the telecast happened the other day, they would've been laughing along with everyone else at Conan O'Brien. However, it hit really closet to home and was a sad reminder of lost loved ones.



That's conditioned behavior. It's the same thing with people who were teasing you about your nose and hurting your feelings. That's conditioned behavior that has been programmed into you by your environment.



You can't take back the past. That's now a part of you. In Computer Terms, that would be trying to "uninstall" a program that has rooted itself into your Operating System and has affected your Windows Registry. You can uninstall the Program, but when you rip out the program that has bonded itself to your Operating System, it will leave holes or patches.



For some parts of the Program, they get left behind as residual traces of that program because it's never clean cut. In terms of your experiences, you can move on and forget about as much of it as possible, but you'll never be able to fully recover from the emotional scars left.



The one thing you have to do though is stop "psychologically picking at the wound." It's never going to heal if you keep on "picking at it." It'll just hurt all over again and never heal.



I realize it's easier said than done to just give you advice to forget about it and move on because that's what everyone else says. That's why the key to moving on is by understanding your problem better.



How can you know where you want to go if you don't know where you've been?



If you don't understand the roots of your Psychological Issues with this, you'll have a harder time healing.



How can you treat a problem if you don't know what the problem is? If you try to remedy the problem but don't fully understand the origin or what makes it a problem, it will continue to manifest itself in your life creating the same problem but variations thereof.



For example, some people are afraid of snakes. Their fear usually stems from childhood where they were scared by a garden snake or they saw a parent see a spider and jump in fear. So it got imprinted onto them.



Conversely, if they were children and were introduced to a huge Boa Constrictor allowed to pet it and become friends with it, they would be fine around snakes. They'd understand snakes and not be afraid of them.



You're the best judge of what it is that's bothering you. You said it's your nose. If you want to break the Psychological Programming that makes you self-conscious about your nose, try finding physical symbols that alter your pattern of thinking.



Try finding pictures of actors who had big noses or funny noses that went on to be successful either overlooking that aspect or used it to their advantage. Jimmy Durante had a huge nose. Bob Hope had a pointy nose.



If you want to feel better about your nose, find reasons to be thankful for your nose or features on your face. You should try taking a look at some people who are burn victims. If you think having a funny nose draws attention, try having a huge red burn scar on your face that people can't help but notice.



If you watch "Shallow Hal" with Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow, he goes and visits the Burn Victims Ward not realizing that all the children there have been severely burned and have permanent scars on their faces tha cause people to treat them like Lepers.



Unless you have some burn scars I don't know about, your nose probably looks better than those who were in unfortunate accidents. At least with the people who were making fun of you in high school and your nose, the damage done was Psychological. So it's intangible. It's not a physical scar. Physical scars are even harder to ignore.



Any time you feel inadequate or feel you have shortcomings that make you feel bad about yourself, you should try comparing yourself to those who are less fortunate. If you think your legs are ugly, you should be thankful you're not like people in a tragic car accident where they're bound in a wheelchair or had their legs permanently amputated.



While there's nothing wrong with having a prosthetic leg, it certainly stands out more than a funny-looking nose. At least it's your nose.



The reason why those kids were making fun of your nose is because they were using a Model of Perfection prescribed by Society that tells people what a "perfect nose" should be like.



Look at Michael Jackson. He had the same insecurities about his nose. So he kept getting nose job after nose job after nose job. Now look at his nose. If he had just left well enough alone, it would've been fine. Now it looks unnatural. Who knows what skin damage or facial cellular breakdown has occurred by trying to perfect something that was fine the way it was. It was all in Michael Jackson's head. He made it into a problem.



If someone made fun of your ears and how dumb your ears look, does that now mean that your ears are stupid? Even if you had 20 people all point at your ears and tell you they're deformed and ugly, does that mean they should be given any weight or credibility when it comes to passing good judgment on others?



Your nose isn't something that you can naturally change. If you want to do augmentation or use artificial enhancements, you can, but the people who do are spending money to fit or conform to society's standards. You should be proud of your nose. It's your nose that your parents gave you.



When you're older and your parents have passed on, you'll always have a happy reminder of your parents' genes. When you look in the Mirror, you'll remember your roots and where you came from.



The above example is changing the definition or meaning. When you were in school, those mean kids prescribed a definition that you readily accepted. So now it's programmed. It's now time to "Psychologically Edit" or change the definition.



For example, before the Ku Klux Klan was around "KKK" didn't mean anything. Now it means White Supremacy and has a bad connotation.



The same thing goes for the name "Hitler." Before Adolf Hitler was around, the name Hitler didn't mean anything. It's someone who forged a meaning for that name, which is now why it's considered taboo. A Football Player was comparing SF Giants Coach M. Nolan to Hitler. It was an offensive term.



The positive thing is that it was in high school when this happened. You're fully aware that those were bad people and they were being mean. If you know that, then why would you lend any credence or importance to anything they say. Why should anything they tell you have merit and influence how you feel about yourself?



When people go out of their way to be spiteful and mean, they automatically lose credibility and where their Logic is flawed. Their reasoning skills stem from Ignorance. It also is a sign of weakness because it was a group of people that succumbed to peer pressure in order to look cool in front of their friends.



Why allow those people to get the better of you?



I work in the Scientific Field where a lot of my Research contradicts Scientific Research that has been the staple of Human Society for over 200 years. People can be incredibly nasty when you try to suggest different ideas that go against common beliefs.



I already know and have heard all the nasty comments, snide remarks, and jabs at how dumb my Theories are. I keep a Blog and I close it off from Comments because I don't need to hear that crap. I already know what their thoughts are. However, my Scientific Theories ended up being correct. If I'd listened to all those jeers and insults and let them drag me down, I would've stopped pursuing my Research and never have accomplished anything.



Try looking at this as a way of overcoming a challenge set before you. Your challenge is to fight an uphill battle where you're not going to let your past consume you and get the better of you. If you allow all those cruel things that people said to you continue to plague you later in life, it means that those mean people succeeded.



Why give them the satisfaction that their verbal abuse succeeded in breaking your spirit?



It's total crap. Rather than feeling demoralized, you should be angry and stand up for yourself against the Inner Demons that have been installed in you Psychologically. Tell those Inner Demons to step off and leave you alone.



Everyone's got their own Inner Demons to deal with, but you can only be hurt if you allow yourself to be hurt. That's why the key to beating this thing is redefining the definitions so that you don't get reminders that cause your mind to wander toward negative thoughts.



Imagine a person who sits around listening to whiny, sappy love songs that sing about Heartache and Grief. If you put someone in a room with that kind of music playing and you force them to reminisce about all the people who broke up with them, significant others that were emotionally abusive, and the grief of broken relationships they've experienced in their lives, you can make anyone wallow in pity and sadness.



That's why people keep themselves busy and find constructive outlets so that their mind remains occupied. If you still find yourself being reminded of these bad memories, at least take the time to think about WHAT reminded you.



If you can pinpoint what it is that makes you think of this, then you can move toward the Road to Recovery by intentionally avoiding such thoughts that trigger those bad memories.



For example, let's say the bad memories had the name "Cheryl." If you know that running into Cheryl is bad, avoid Cheryl. If your bad memories are triggered by a certain act, avoid engaging in any such acts that will lead to those bad memories.



A lot of people just allow themselves to be blown by wherever the wind carries them. It doesn't have to be that way. You can adjust your "Psychological Sails" on your Intellectual Vessel so that it will carry you in a positive direction rather than toward the Island of Despair.



I'm not kidding. People have the power to adjust their Sails, but most people just sit around and allow themselves to be blown this way or that. It's all about developing a System.



Develop a System for combatting your bad memories. Take notes if you have to on what reminds you of these bad thoughts. When you figure out what they are, then you have something to go on.



You sound like a smart person. All you need is just a decent System to organize your thoughts. Then you'll know what thoughts to keep and what negative thoughts to segregate from your good thoughts so that the good doesn't get contaminated.



If you think having a bad nose sucks, go watch the 1980s movie "Mask" with Eric Stoltz and Cher where the kid's entire face was abnormal. Then maybe you'll feel better about your nose.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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