My idea of feeling like things were at the, "end of the road", totally helpless, are rather severe. I have only felt this way a few short times in my life.
For me, when one feels that life is utterly hopeless, that things are so horrible and will never change, that is when one begins to take a real hard look at whether or not life is worth living any longer.
My first instance was when I faced my infant son's terminal cancer. He was born with the disease, and I had no spiritual beliefs at that time in my life to give me hope that everything which occurs in life has a reason, even if we are much too insignifacant to understand what that meaning may be. As a mother it was abhorent to me that one day he would die, and go who knows where. When I pictured death, is was life this giagantic blackness spreading out further than the eye could see, if in fact, one could actually see into or through the blackness. It was like a thick suffocating blanket without any softness ward of the hard edges, and nothing could possibly be comforting for a very small boy all alone in that dark and dreary place. I became conviced that it was my right to go with him and be that comforting presence in that darkness. I was not afraid to go with him; I was far more afraid of him all alone in the dark. So, I made plans to go with, and let my family know my intentions. For me, there wasn't any life without my child. They stuck me in counseling and finally the counselor told them that I was serious and that he believed I would follow my son. To make a long story short, my husband tricked me and gave me a reason to stay behind. Another child. I was so resentfull at first when I found out I was pregnant. I had threatened abortion, but my husband new me better than I knew myself. It took years before I felt my son was not upset with me that I stayed behind to take care of his sister. However, the light and joy went out of my life, literally. For five long years I was physically unable to see the sunshine. Years past the return of light, and I still felt no joy. Joy became such a memory, when I finally felt it twenty two years later, it took me months to recognize the emotion. I lived for my children and that was that. I faked every holiday, especially Christmas, and as they never knew how I was before their births, they never knew anything was missing.
I have since burried my husband, and a second child. Life is far too precious to give it away. Other people matter, not just what we may want or feel thing should be when it is anything but what we had hoped or expected. You hang on for others, and find out that one day it has changed, and you are glad you were there for all those moments love lifted you up. I wouldn't have missed all of these years for anything. Life can still be a rough place to be, but it is far too short already to cut it short on purpose.
We can never tell what will come around the corner. Sure, I spend considerable time trying to anticipate tragedy and upsetting situations, and even though consciencly I know I can't, and that nothing can prepare any human being for tragedy when it strikes, once you have felt such grief, it is impossible not not be wary of any happiness in the moment will soon be in the past and life filled with all consumming grief once more.
I live for those moments of love, peace, and joy that make life worthwhile. There is never any situation which won't improve over time. The worst grief will eventually get better, and that is the truth. If we are in situations which hurt us, or disapoint us, we have the power to make changes for the better. Whether it is in how we perceive the events in our lives, our a completely different enviroment, we have the power over our own lives and how we choose to experience all which comes out way.
Yes, I have felt hopeless, that the pain of a situation, or a situation on its own, would never be eleviated, or change, but each and every time it has. Whether through time passing, or my own choices in establishing change, life does change and can change for the better.
Feeling hopeless in a human emotion and experience which most people feel one time or another, at least once in life. However, I currently am struggling with the fact that some people, seemingly without any rhymn or reason, skim through life without many hardships. I have relatives who have never experienced worse hurt than a self choosen divorce, and that only due because of a poor choice to begin with. The one who hurt the most in that situation was the husband who loved her and still does. He had the right to feel the injustice of her actions, yet he choose instead to be her friend and co-parent their two children during the years of raising them.
I use to believe that everyone had times of instense grief, but I was wrong. I now struggle with the question of why good people suffer horribly, while other people who are not any better or worse, do not. I am left with the thought that it is a gift to grieve, because out of the ashes comes growth and strength you never knew you had. Charactor and abilities never suspected of existing. However, what about these other folks who don't suffer and grieve, why do they skate through life seemingly on an easy ticket, without so much as a scratched knee? lol
That is my question of the decade, and if you have any answers please feel free to fill me in on your thoughts. In fact, I think this is a good question for me to ask the forum, see what others think on the subject.
For all out there who feel life has no meaning, who feel hopeless, l promise that it *will* get better. Think of everything good in your life, of those who love you and would suffer if you were gone. Some of us may assume we know how much or little others love or need us, but they would be extremely wrong. Life *is* worth putting one foot in front of the other.